how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Everything about him screamed your future.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
