SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
