I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize