Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
