An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
