can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
