Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
