you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
