those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
