In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
