There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize