My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
