4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
