I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize