Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize