Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
