Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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