you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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