you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
