pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sext me about skeletons
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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