I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
