if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
