break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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