think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
