So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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