am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
