i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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