is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
