my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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