Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
