I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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