Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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