I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
