i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
