Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
