Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
