Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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