I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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