Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize