She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
