I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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