8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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