Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize