i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize