i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
