oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
