I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
