he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
