I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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