Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
