mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
