I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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