last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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