Welp...herpes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Shame - the story of my life.
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