I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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