I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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