I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
