I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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