New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
