just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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