She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
