he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize