College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
