Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
