i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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