i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
