I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
