Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He shit in the fireplace
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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