She said her name was "party"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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