the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
