I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
