I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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