somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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