Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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