1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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