Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
