how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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