We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
