Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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