Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dear god my vagina.
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