I cannot find my penis.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
