And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize