I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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