Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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