He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
