i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
