yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize