She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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