Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
