ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
