I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
