he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
