am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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