i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
