when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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