then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
