I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
