I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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