I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
