I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
