either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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