isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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