my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
