I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
