When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize