You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
