idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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