in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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