ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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