Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
