I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
