Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
