He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
