whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
