The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize