Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
