weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
