nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
