wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
