and she was petting her beer can
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
