a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
