Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
