You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
