My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize